The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman.

Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.

Where desire writhed there stands a stone; the change was sudden and complete.

Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.

Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.