In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.

If more than ten percent of the population likes a painting it should be burned, for it must be bad.

In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.

I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

Nature magically suits a man to his fortunes, by making them the fruit of his character.

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.

It is the wretchedness of being rich that you have to live with rich people.

The richer your friends, the more they will cost you.

The only thing I like about rich people is their money.