The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

It took me twenty years of studied self-restraint, aided by the natural decay of my faculties, to make myself dull enough to be accepted as a serious person by the British public.

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.

Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.

Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one.

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.

Television is democracy at its ugliest.

My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.