Cogito ergo spud. - I think, therefore I yam

Bibo, ergo sum. - I drink, therefore I am

There are times when you have to choose between being a human and having good taste.

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few.

A statesman is a successful politician who is dead.

Until a child is one year old it is incapable of sin.

That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the task itself has become easier, but that our ability to perform it has improved.

Children are guilty of unpardonable rudeness when they spit in the face of a companion; neither are they excusable who spit from windows or on walls or furniture.