Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.

Civilization is the distance man has placed between himself and his excreta.

Everyone realized that Computervision stock was the golden goose. But one grabbed the leg, another grabbed a wing, another got the neck, all pulling hard, and they realize now they could kill the goose if they keep this up.

What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.

Success is a great deodorant.

Higher emotions are what separate us from the lower orders of life... <br> Higher emotions, and table manners.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists - that is why they invented hell.

I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly.

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.