When in doubt, have two guys come through the door with guns.

Finishing a book is just like you took a child out in the back yard and shot it.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Indolence is a delightful but distressing state; we must be doing something to be happy.

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

The only way to reform some people is to chloroform them.