Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.

I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning.

Monogamy is the Western custom of one wife and hardly any mistresses.

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt toward people we personally dislike.

Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

I hate quotations.

I do not say a proverb is amiss when aptly and reasonably applied, but to be forever discharging them, right or wrong, hit or miss, renders conversation insipid and vulgar.

Nobody ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have while trying to write one.