Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre but they are more deadly in the long run.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Americans are the only people in the world known to me whose status anxiety prompts them to advertise their college and university affiliations in the rear window of their automobiles.

If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become a Mercedes.

Men are born with two eyes, but only one tongue, in order that they should see twice as much as they say.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is like getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month-Club.

The Pig, if I am not mistaken,<br> Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon.<br> Let others say his heart is big,<br> I think it stupid of the Pig.

Candy<br>Is dandy<br>But liquor<br>Is quicker.

In Hollywood a starlet is the name for any woman under thirty who is not actively employed in a brothel.