Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity, or registering wrongs.

I hold a creed, which no one ever taught me, and which I seldon mention, but in which I delight, and to which I cling, for it extends hope to all; it makes eternity a rest - a mighty home - not a terror and an abyss. With this creed, I can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime, I can so sincerly forgive the first while I abhor the last; with this creed, revenge never worries my heart, degredation never too deeply disgusts me, injustice bever crushes me too low; I live in calm, looking to the end.

It is by will alone that I set my mind in motion.

The unexamined life is not worth living.

We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people--that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them.

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.