A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street- cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.

If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.

Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease and burnt crunchy bits.

A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".

Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves.

What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if, in your dream, you went to heaven and plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then?