My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a- bitch.

Men, like nails, lose their usefulness when they lose direction and begin to bend.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Everything is a dangerous drug except reality, which is unendurable.

He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave.

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.

An ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.

Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.

Those whom the Gods would destroy, they first call promising.

What a deformed thief this fashion is.